New Mindset Straight Ahead

For the first two weeks, after I moved out of the home where I raised my daughter, I had a little problem with my car. When I left my office building at the end of the workday, it would automatically point eastbound, as it had for many years. The problem was, my new home was westbound. I would remember this always at a point when I was committed to the wrong route with no easy turnaround. 

After several repeats, my frustration mounted. Yes, okay, so the problem was not actually my car, but my brain. “Clearly, it’s on auto-pilot mode.”

Well, yes, with brains that are capable of sending 100 trillion messages each second, we’re all primarily on auto-pilot. Thank goodness. Imagine having to be cognizant of each blink, intake and exhale of breath, or movement of your eyes. Imagine if our brains only allowed one task at a time, and each one required intentional thinking. Yes, auto-pilot is a blessing, not just with the functions of our bodies, but in ways we could never adequately measure. 

Thanks to the multi-track of our brains, we can take a scheduled phone call and finish that pressing e-mail without missing a beat in either task. We can breathe while we are reading a book. And drive to our child’s school while making a mental list of our to-do items without missing a turn. Our fast-moving minds allow us to keep up with our faster-moving lives.

Yet, what about those swift, automatic responses that stunt our emotional growth and expansion?

Here’s an example: A position opens up in a department in which you have always wanted to work. When you hear about it, you automatically think, “They would never consider me for that job.” Or you learn a friend has just achieved their fitness goal and the voice in your head says, “Not me. I have never had that willpower.” 

These automatic thoughts can be habitually negative and limiting— and sometimes so fleeting we are not even aware of their impact on us. Yet they define who we are in ways more impactful than we realize. When I’ve asked my clients to explain the reason behind some of their thoughts, a typical response is, “I’ve always been this way,” or “It’s easy for you to be positive; that’s just who you are,” or “Was I negative? I wasn’t even aware…”

If you say or think something enough times, your brain becomes hard-wired to believe it. Our thoughts cement our mindset and are who we become. The positive ones propel us forward; the negative ones hold us back. That is a convincing reason to examine those thoughts that occur automatically.

Experts tell us it takes 21 days to break a habit, but who has that amount of time?

I have found two techniques that work well for me in expediting this timeframe:

1_In coaching, we learn the power of two simple words: “UNTIL NOW.”

“They would never consider me for that job…until now.” “I have never had that willpower…until now.” These profoundly empowering words will immediately change a perspective from negative to positive. Your brain will rewire itself to believe what you say and, more importantly, what you feel. “Until now, I’ve never been able to ask for that promotion.” “Until now, I’ve never felt worthy.” “I have never felt strong…until now.” Develop the habit of adding those words to begin the process of hard-wiring your brain to overcome any thought system that is not beneficial to you.

2_You can break the detrimental nature of auto-pilot modes—like turning eastbound instead of westbound—by changing the routine of something that you have to do every day anyway.

I shared this trick with a friend who tried it immediately. Instead of getting out of bed and heading straight to the coffeemaker, she began to make up her bed before going downstairs. Making the bed was a task that she does every day anyway. This eventually led to gearing up for a run after the bed was made and before she brewed her coffee, which led to clearer thinking and more productivity, which led to a better experience at work and in her interactions… and the cycle of change continued. By changing one simple thing that was done in her routine, she created positive change throughout her day.

While a 15-minute addition to a commute home because of a decades-old routine was not life-altering, I created a new step that followed getting into my car at the end of the workday. I changed the radio station from news to music on the way home. My brain became hard-wired to use this cue to remember to turn right toward the westbound lanes instead of left toward the eastbound lanes. It happens somewhere in those 100 trillion messages your brain is sending. It sounds simple, but it was effective, and it will work on those bad habits that ARE life-altering.

We can strive to become more intentional in our thinking. We should be striving to become more cognizant of eradicating the little voice that swiftly whispers limitations. Begin to train your mind to choose thoughts that will create a better you. 

Start by the two simple exercises I shared that will help you create a new mindset.

Like my friend who changed her morning routine, see where the cycle of positive change will lead you. I believe you have everything you need to create a more positive life experience and increase your happiness.